Wedding, Civil Partnership & Renewal of Vows Ceremonies
Why choose a humanist wedding or civil partnership celebration?
You may feel that the ritual and words of a religious wedding do not fit your outlook on life.
On the other hand the laws governing a Register Office ceremony strictly control what can be said and done and where a wedding ceremony can be held.
There are even fewer options available to same sex couples who wish to express their commitment to each other and celebrate their relationship.
'A very happy and memorable wedding celebration. Thank you for your part in making it so.'
Humanist weddings
Humanist wedding ceremonies are growing in popularity and offer an alternative in which you can choose your own wording and location. Each humanist wedding ceremony, civil partnership or renewal of vows ceremony is
unique, dignified and deeply personal.
Humanists look on marriage as an
equal partnership and a serious commitment that involves mutual love,
support and respect. A humanist ceremony is a time when you can declare
all that you feel for each other in a way that is right for you.
'...The wedding was great and the ceremony awesome,
thank you so much for making the occasion so special.'
The Ceremony
No two ceremonies are the same and yours will be prepared just for you. It can be traditional and familiar, or as unusual as you like. The ceremony will focus on the two of you and your commitment to each other.
It will usually begin with my welcoming everybody on your behalf, and explaining that you have chosen this ceremony to express what you feel in your own words in front of those closest to you. You may want words about how you came together, your views on marriage and the things you especially value about your relationship.
'It meant so much to everyone. Pitch perfect is
the phrase that comes to mind. The whole feeling and ambience was just right'
Personalise your ceremony
You are free to make all the important choices about words, readings and music. You might like to involve certain friends or family members more closely in the ceremony by asking them to read some prose or poetry.
Music can help create the right atmosphere and you can choose pieces that have real meaning for you, or have live musicians.
Children can be included and involved.
You can incorporate a Naming Ceremony in your wedding.
You can write your own vows, which can be formal or less formal, and I can help you with the wording. You can speak as much or as little as you feel comfortable with.
You can exchange rings and include something a bit different such as a hand fasting or candle lighting, or other symbolic gestures you may want.
Once we have met for a planning meeting, we would work on the ceremony script by email and phone, until we are all happy with it.
It is important to build in a rehearsal at the venue a day or two before the wedding, with key people, to practice the choreography, music, readings and so on.
'It was absolutely what we wanted it to be –
really meaningful and amazing – it’s still so vividly imprinted on my mind and
I’m sure will be for a long time. You gave us such good advice about what would
work, really listened to us, were really professional in the rehearsal and on
the day and we really felt your happiness for us too.
So thank you so much.'
Location
Your wedding ceremony can be held at almost any location. Many couples choose to get married out of doors in the summer and BHA celebrants have conducted ceremonies on hilltops and beaches, in parks and in gardens. Or couples choose a variety of indoor venues. You can arrange your wedding overseas and I will travel to the location.
'It was so special for us to have such a personal
and special (and religious free) ceremony. Everyone commented on what a
lovely ceremony it was. Perhaps this is just what people tell newlyweds. But
enough of my male friends separately came up to me and told me they were
watery-eyed during the ceremony for me to realise that many people were moved
by it. In your own non-pushy way you quietly orchestrated the whole thing in a
beautifully judged fashion. Thank you.'
The legal side
We find that couples look on the humanist ceremony as the moment when they are truly married. It is the real celebration when your friends and family can be with you and when your deepest feelings can be expressed.
However, as a humanist wedding does not yet form a legal marriage contract in England (it does in Scotland), it is currently necessary for you to go to the Register Office, perhaps a day or two before the main ceremony, to deal with the legal formalities and obtain a civil marriage or civil partnership certificate.
What to do next
If the sincerity and freedom of a humanist wedding and civil partnership appeals to you, contact me to find out more. I am here to offer advise and help you plan your ceremony. I will work with your own ideas, and can suggest wording, or readings, and explain the many small details that make such a difference to the success of the occasion.
I will want to meet you well before the wedding or civil partnership to discuss your ideas and answer your questions, and to plan and rehearse each aspect of the ceremony with you.
Contact & fees
Please
contact me if you wish to enquire about my availability.
Many hours of work go into preparing a humanist ceremony and I sometimes travel many miles from home. In line with the British Humanist Association agreed fee structure, my fee is £450 - £500 depending on travel expenses, and £600 plus all expenses if the wedding is overseas. This includes a
planning meeting or coordination by phone and email, a rehearsal at the location a day or two before the
ceremony, the preparation and delivery of the ceremony, a memento wedding certificate, and a final copy
of the script that is used.
My terms are a deposit of £100 before planning and script exchange, and the balance a week before the ceremony.
I contribute a percentage of each ceremony fee received
to the BHA as a levy towards celebrants’ training and quality standards and to the
promotion and development of the BHA’s Humanist Ceremonies network.
'We
really appreciate all your hard work writing it all and
your efforts in organising us and we thought the ceremony was fabulous and
everyone said how lovely and personal it was. I was also impressed
that I didn't cry - we both just felt really happy and we can't thank you
enough.'
A few poems
Bertrand Russell
Today I marry my friend,
The one I have laughed and cried with,
The one I have learned from and shared with,
The one I have chosen to support, encourage,
And give myself to, through all the days
Given us to share.
Today I marry the one I love.
~
The Apache Wedding Blessing
Now
you will feel no rain,
for each of you will be shelter for the other.
Now
you will feel no cold,
for each of you will be warmth to the other.
Now
there will be no loneliness,
for each of you will be companion to the other.
Now
you are two persons,
but there is only one life before you.
May
beauty surround you both in the journey ahead
and through all the years.
May
happiness be your companion
and your days together
be
good
and long upon the earth.
~
Blessing for a marriage - James Dillet Freeman
May your marriage bring you all the
exquisite excitements a marriage should bring,
and may life grant you also
patience, tolerance, and understanding.
May you always need one another - not so much to
fill your emptiness as to help you to know your fullness.
A mountain needs a
valley to be complete; the valley does not make the mountain less, but more;
and the valley is more a valley because it has a mountain towering over it.
O
let it be with you and you.
May you need one another, but not out of weakness.
May you want one another, but not out of lack.
May you entice one another, but not compel one another.
May you embrace one another, but not out encircle one another.
May you succeed in all important ways with one another,
and not fail in the
little graces.
May you look for things to praise, often say, "I love you!"
and take
no notice of small faults.
If you have quarrels that push you apart,
may both
of you hope to have good sense enough to take the first step back.
May you have happiness,
and may you find it making
one another happy.
May you have love,
and may you find it loving one another.
~
From the
ancient Sanskrit
Look to this day
for it is life
the very life of life.
In its brief course lie all
The realities and truths
of existence,
the joy of growth,
the splendour of action,
the glory of power.
For yesterday is
but a memory.
And tomorrow is
only a vision.
But today well lived
makes every yesterday
a memory of happiness
and every tomorrow
a vision of hope.
Look well, therefore,
to this day.
~
An excerpt from Kahlil
Gibran's The Prophet
Love one another, but
make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.
~
Excerpt from Captain
Corelli's Mandolin
by Louis de Bernieres
Love is a temporary madness;
it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides.
And when it subsides you have to make a decision.
You have to work out whether your roots
have so entwined together
that it is
inconceivable that you should ever part.
Because this is what love is.
